


Moriarty's Meddlings

by muchechops



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muchechops/pseuds/muchechops
Summary: the pitfalls of blogging securely around a super-genius & his arch-nemesis





	

Reader, it is a DISASTER!

I have been spammed. spanked. & rodgered. royaly!

unsatiated with editing & blogging my... previous fanfic, Holmes went one further & created his own.. "fanfic".

UNDER MY NAME!

it was... worse... better... deeper... smuttier... FILTHIER, than ANYTHING I had imagined... knew how to imagine. knew could happen. people actually ALLOW other people to do.. those... things... to them??? even for a medical Dr of military experience, certain sphincters cringe at the contemplation...

he linked a fic to my first... offerings, pretending to be a 'fan', who really 'dug' my ficcing, my imagination, my detail & originality & depths of depravity (???) - (spew) - & who wanted to share their own.. creation. I braced myself. craw lubricated with saliva. heart steadied, & adrenaline calmed with a few, held, deep breaths.

and I opened their attachment.

DEAR GODS

I nearly filled the waste-paper basket with vom. as it was I splattered the desk, chair, rug & his absent-mindedly discarded fiddle!

it was OBSCENE! well, dirtier than anything else I'd ever read. or seen. or imagined... Jane certainly wouldn't have acquiesced to any of it... (though she might have considered some of it...) *shudder* ...the very depths of the horrifying ingenuity, the contortions of limb & organ & orifice... the stamina & flexibility required - it was MINDBOGGLING (and tadger troubling...) ...I had to pause for water & a wazz on several occasions between paragraphs, to recompose, & settle my stomach... though nothing prevented my resumptive reading - I HAD to see it through to the "conclusion"-

and MY GODS what a DRENCHED conclusion! fluids EVERYWHERE! gallons, it seemed. HOW???

certain, physical, relations between consenting adults have intrigued, troubled & terrified myself, previously. simply working through the karma sutra alone would give any normal British chap pause for consideration, analysis, rehearsal & limbering-up. and safety harnesses. many a lass has taken me under her wing, only for this fledgling to tumble from the nest, aghast at the challenges presented him, fearing for his anatomy & sanity, should he comply with the suggested activity presented to him. five coital positions have sufficed for wholly satisfactory stimulation & mutual-orgasm. beyond that & partners stray into terrifying depravity of sprains, strains, fractures & hospitalisation. I have not been prudish, or over-cautious, nor denying in the satisfying of my... sufficient number of partners. some activities have intrigued, compelled & even astonished me. (when witnessed performed by others...) however, I consider myself an open-minded, worldly, experienced, satisfying & not-too-adventurous man of the boudoir, bordello, or bagnio, and even my mind bent shapeless, inverted, & contorted with the images conjured by the keystroke of my erstwhile 'friend', Sherlock.

yeah, GODS the things that man must have seen... or done... or wished he'd seen & done, to conjure such... well, depravity by many standards, normality by some, I assume, DEXTERITY by others I would muse... contortionists, gymnasts & acrobats would possibly recognise some activities, & even they, I suggest, would flinch & blanch at others depicted. blanch & puke. blanch & smirk. blanch & look side-ways at their partner, with that smirk that says "hey, baby, wanna get twisted tonight? wanna get so down & deep & dirty in my soul, wanna get hospitalised?" I mean, honestly, WHAT kind of mind devises this... profligacy? oh, yeah, I forget. Sherlock's. & his mind-palace... HUUUURGH - one would NOT want to holiday in THAT establishment. not for a SECOND. he's welcome to his mind-palace, his mind-brothel, his SMUT-palace all to himself. it positively OOOOZES Allen Poe. reeks of Barker. pongs of King. drips Laurell K Hamilton. it bloody-well STINKS of ME!

I write one, harmless, vanilla little fanfic, to tease my readers, excite his fans, alleviate the tedium of blogging his excruciatingly self-engrandising exploits, and WHAT does he go & do? amalgamate all the grossest, disgusting, repulsive, revolting, fluid-splattered crime-scenes he's encountered into one Masque-of-the-Red-Death orgy of penetration & ejaculation! FLOODS of the stuff. whole bodily-fluid dehydrating & exsanguination of nsfw smut, kink & filth!

I am exhausted. I am dismayed. I am aghast.

I am in this fic.

my body is in this fic.

my anatomy is in this fic. ALL of it. outside AND IN!

implements are in this fic. tools, weapons, instruments (musical & medical), & toys (of BOTH kinds) are in this fic.

activities beyond my comprehension are in this fic. I CANNOT share the link to this fic... for fear... Jane... Molly... Lestrade... MRS HUDSON!!! any & ALL may detect & witness & fear this fic.

I surmise he has composed this lasciviousness to surpass ALL OTHERS, to shade & shame mine own, & ward of ALL FUTURE attempts by myself, or ANY OTHERS in depicting himself in any other light than supreme master of anything & everything that the world can expect, demand, or devise of him...

I cannot bring myself to re-read what I have scorched my eyes & melted my brain reading once. once was too much. never again. if I could banish it to some fiery cauldron of destruction, I would. but I cannot even delete it from my blog. the link is impermeable (HOW is that possible? HOW DOES HE DO IT?!?! he HATES computers!!! but is still fucking better with them than the rest of us homosapiens!!!)

suffice for tonight, I shall post this blog. include my sincerest apologies & wishes for any readers swift recovery & resumption of normal social, personal & cognitive functions. wish my present readers my hopes for their continued support, readership & withholding of any litigation. wish my inevitable new readers a hearty, heartfelt & heavy-hearted welcome, to what will NOT continue to be the smut-central of blogs on the planet. but they can die in hope...

and go to bed. nuzzling Jack Daniels. for medicinal purposes, you understand!

good night. farewell. don't let the smut-bugs bite.

yours J W m.d.

-

holy FUCK!

someone's just read, liked, commented, reblogged & POSTED THEIR OWN FIC!!!

who?

shit.

it's Moriarty...


End file.
